Maxwell two years ago today we were happy living our little lives. a cocoon of safety was just a loose veil that protected us from seeing how life really is. It didn't protect us from what was coming a few hours later when we would hear the cry, the infamous cry of pain and life ending…”he was the love of my life” we all slid to the ground at 3 am. I listened in horror when jeff bowed his head handing the phone to me. Our happiness was over…all three Gus Jeff and myself…how do we tell Lily…she was gone so far away we couldn't hold her when we told her our happiness was over.

I think each of us have learned a few things about life over the last two years; beautiful things sad things things we didn't wanna believe things we have to.

I'm at a small mountain in Italy and I took off by myself this morning leaving my friends sleeping. I put my music in my ears and started that playlist that Lily had sent to me 2 years ago. It has Max's face on it. I did this purposely and I climbed the side of the hill. See the beauty.

I continue with my walking stick thinking of Max, thinking of our sadness, thinking of our year in Berlin grieving. Our second year learning how to live. A song comes on called Everything Trying. I smile I don't know who the author was thinking of, but I was thinking of Max and the voice sang "I call you now to tell you I'm thinking of you But it does me no good... And I would sail back to you... I'll be sailing on your deep blue eyes..." and this repeats to the end.

And a vision of your smile as a small child when your eyes are bigger than your nose; so blue, so inquisitive, soaking everything in, perhaps just dreaming…

I stand outside on that mountain and cry out loud. I raise my hands. I cry out loud by myself.

The sun comes out of the clouds just for a bit and I start to walk. I take a photo as I walk. I hear another song. It felt like a response to my cry from the playlist that Lily made from Max's music on his phone after he died and I hear the lyrics and I stop and I smile and I say thank you Max because I feel that you heard my cry and knew that I needed it just to feel you today.

I turn around towards the Sun and I listen to the rest of the song. It's a sad song about a boy saying goodbye to his mom and the lyrics says. "don't cry hold your head up high. That's what she would've wanted..." (Above the clouds of Pompeii)

I choose to believe you came to me for that moment. Thank you, my child, my lovely child. My lovely boy.